In Court

In Court


Gary DeVaney




Judge: Mr. Believer Defendant, you are accused of sellingtainted meat to a family that resulted in two dead and oneterminally ill. How do you plead?

Defendant: Innocent, your honor.

Judge: Do youwish to testify on you own behalf?

Defendant: Yes, your honor.

Judge: Swear himin.

Defendant: Your honor, if you swear me in on this here Bible, I would likeit to show in the record that it was done.

Sworn In On The Bible?

Judge: Granted, because I believe in God; and inmy court, you will respect God, country, me and my court. Did you sell this family meat?

Defendant: Sir, because you believe in God, I will tell you the facts. Yes, your honor.

Judge: Where did you get the meat?

Defendant: I found it dead in the back woods, your honor.

Judge: Describe it’s condition.

Defendant: Well, your honor, it stank a little and had a few maggots that I scrapped off, but, I knew it would be ok.

Judge: In your defense what evidence do you have to prove that you are innocent?

Defendant: Well, your honor, turn to this very King James Bible you sworeme in on to Deuteronomy 14:21.God directed: “Ye shall not eatof anything that dieth of itself, thou shalt give it or sellit to a stranger to eat.” God told me to sell to a strangersome rancid meat. If he gets sick or dies, it’s God’s will, notmine. I was just following God’s Biblical orders. Judge, if youfind me guilty, and, if you believe in the Bible; you must findGod guilty too.

Don’t Eat An Animal That Died On Its Own

Case dismissed…

“You’re Taking It Out Of Context!”

Believer’s Defense Tactics


Judge: Ok, accused, tell your story.

Accused: Well judge, I broke into the place and went over and smashed the jewelry case and took the jewels. Then, I destroyed some furniture, blew open the safe, shot the maid, took the money, smoked some crack cocaine and went to a movie.

Judge: You shot the maid?

                                                                                                            I Shot the Maid

Accused: Judge, you’re taking it out of context.

Judge: This court has determined that the fact you shot the maid has a context and an importance of it’s own. You are found guilty by your own admission.

Accountable time / Freedom is unaccountable Time

Questions? Comments?